...was my life the past week. it was only two years ago my obsessive ambition wouldn't let me enjoy a studyless night. i remember trying to absorb every word in my cell biology textbook, memorizing for hours every conjunction and semicolon so i could show up to class and impress my always-bored professor with petty answers about protein pathways. yet always, i would be amazed at how little i knew; no amount of studying would make me an "educated person," not until i was satisfied.gradually, the drive to beat everyone else faster than anyone else subsided along with age. it was replaced with an understanding that my 22-year-old self could become no greater or worse by how many answers i got correct on a test. i did not want to live in a textbook. with that, people were not mere numbers, but mysteries with qualities unexplainable by science, to be understood by way of conversation and friendship.
november is always quiet—a solemn month. the coming winter has everyone waiting nervously for exams, holiday vacations, rest.
i should start studying.
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